the wonderful institution of marriage

one of my best best friends is getting married... yaayy . i'm excited for her because u know ever since we could walk and talk shes been talknig about walking down the ailse. <- good play on words huh? huh ? no ? ok thenn ... hahah anywayyy . This is all good and grand for her but even better for me .. why you ask ? two words - single groomsmen! wooohoooo. I am obviously a bridesmaid sooo i get to walk down the ailse with some hottie that i hardly know whose obviously going to get drunk later and dance with me. After we have boogied the night away, or hes drunk enough whichever comes first we are going to find an empty bathroom/broomcloset/anywhere the door locks and i will have my way with him. Have you not seen wedding crashers? weddings are like the number one place to get laid. Theres surveys on this shit people! i dont know where they are or how to link them up here but im telling you they exist. So now all i have to hope for is that the grooms friends and or cousins are delicious. Theres a good chance that theyll have nice bodies at the bare minimum because hubby to be is a marine and so are most of his friends. So all i can really say is OOH-RAH !

Leverage .

Well my boss decided to go for the biggest douche bag of the year award and he has successfully secured that title by disconnecting the internet on my computer but leaving it connected on his. This forces me to sneak on his computer when hes not in the office which sucks buuut it kind of brought me to todays post :) Im sure you are all [ haha like there are actually plural readers to this blog ] well aware that we are in a crisis. Our economy sucks plain and simple and I am one of the lucky ones who has been able to keep her job. Well for all of you who would also like to remain employed I have the solution .. the real solution. No I am not going to tell you to make yourself vital to your boss and the company by busting your ass for lower wages than you care to tell anyone about .. oh no no no. Im talking about a little leverage people. Your boss can fire you basically at any time right, well that means you've got to even up the playing feild. Let me explain... I am the only secretary in a very small office so this makes me privvy to alot of information. No im not talking about patient confidentiality and billing, I'm talking about scandals my friends. Scandals such as my boss cheating on his wife with the secretary at the other office. My boss also has a mistress in florida that he emails and so graciously left said emails on display over night and i accidentally stumbled apon them in the A.M. :) I mean, it's pretty safe to say that my boss will not be firing me anytime soon considering how efficient I am when he needs something done but why not have something else to secure the future of my bank account? Knowing too much can come in handy during a crisis, and face it - its pretty good gossip to get you through the day if nothing else!!

''That Girl''

Soo .. i will admit it ... im totally ''that chick''. You know the one that hangs with all the guys but doesnt hook up with any of them. The one that all the girlfriends definatly HATE but suck up to anyway because they want to be in good with the girl-friend. They hate you because they cant understand why in God's good name you get invited everywhere while they get invited nowhere. You are allowed into the mancave without a second glance while they havent even had a first glance in there ... ever. They probably never will. I know you all know what im talking about and in your mind youve thought of the girl that fits this description in your life. Shes totally cool [ way to toot my own horn haha ] and you count her into your plans 90 % of the time. You hate her boyfriends even though you've never wanted to actually be her boyfriend. Well i have thought about one thing time and time again ... how did i become that girl ? Well ive had a revelation and its pretty simple. Three things make me that girl ... I'm totally cool with doing a guys version of nothing. Not overthinking EVERY THING or overplanning. Just like 30 second phonecall to findout where ur at and what the deal is and then we're all there drinkin, smokin and watching the same music videos and talking about the same shit over and over without complaining that we are doing ''nothing''. The second of course is because i grew up with 4506856 male cousins and a brother and of course my dad! When you are around that much manlyness it begins to rub off on you and youd rather climb trees then sit around with the rest of the girls and watch. I also played lacrosse bitches :). And the final thing - i grew up in an insanely small town [ 1 square mile ] so all the guys and girls knew eachother. therefore we hung out all the time but i got to hang with the boys more because I was related [ go me! ] haha.

Though as a sidenote dont get it twisted im not some freaky manly-girl i also cheerleaded and i do get pedicures, my hair done, and i love gossip girl and 90210. I also have lots of girlfriends that i call up and talk to for 45 minutes about some hot guys some whoreish girl and who got pregnant this week. But thats what defines the whole relationship of girl-girl and guy-girl there are just some things you dont bother a dude about ... gossip girl is definatly one of them!

Tootles :)

We Miss You

So I know today is good friday and all that ... and you've clearly seen my views on that subject but i just took a minute to look at the date and realized its April 10th. This date is suignificant to me not because its Good Friday but because 5 years ago today a friend of mine passed away. It was a very confusing, hard time in my life and everyone elses. His death rocked the town that I live in completely. Though not all of us have been effected as drastically as some we were all hurt. I still think about my friend John and the time i spent with him and i am sad because he was such a great person whose life was cut short at 17 years old. He was one of those people that could always make you laugh, someone whose smile made you smile. He was up for anything [ including stripping at my fourteenth birthday party :) ] and his personality was contageous. So i want you to know John that while i think of you often this day always brings your face back to me. I miss you and all that met you afterward every single day. If there is a heaven, and I like to think there is... I know you're there singing Rod Stewart and dancing the night away. I know you're laughing and yelling. #33 will always live on in all of our hearts. Take care of yourself big guy. Miss and Love you always!


xoxoxo

Starting Over

Sooo ... I decided after taking a good look at this blog that it sucked pretty hard! Therefore i have decided to delete the entire thing and start over, it was far too serious and thats really not how i roll soooo .... heres to a fresh start! Soo lets talk about today .. I am one of the only people in Boston, MA who actually has work on good friday! What happened to Boston being an Irish-Catholic town in which you had every holiday imaginable off?!?!?! My boss happened thats what! My dad works for the city, know what that means? HE almost never has a full week of work and gets like 9340549078534 days of vacation time. He has also been on workers-comp every summer for the past four years and you know what i say ? i say good for you dad! You found a job that hardly requires you to show up let alone actually do anything so Kudos to you dad youre truely doing your thing! Not me though , Im sitting here at my desk until 6 oclock tonight thinking of all the ways I can end my life before then because i have work on saturday tooooo. Yes tuesday- saturday .. Oh Monday is a great day to have off you say ? NO no it is not ... You can get a lot of things done with a weekday off instead of the weekend off - Yes this is true but I am a total slacker therefore i dont do anythingggg on mondays besides meet up with my best friends and smoke a blunt ... and yes im 22 so i can still smoke blunts ha ha suckersss!! well all in all id say that was a wonderful rant for my first re-post! And if i havent scared you away [ if anyone reads this at all :) ] check back often and comment for the love of the LORD !


XOXOX